PAIN

Photo by Megan te Boekhorst in unsplash

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The moment I opened my eyes, I knew that something wasn’t right. I couldn’t think clearly and only focused on the danger before me. From where I lay, I watched as two strangers stood watching me; they must have been waiting for me to wake up. They were in white clothes; I concluded that they were here for something evil.

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“You are a useless child! I regret giving birth to you! You don’t deserve to live!” The voice echoed again in my mind, bringing me back to a tiny bit of reality. It was my mum who had said such words to me the previous day. Well, As a depressed person, I was already used to such words; I could never tell the reason why she hated me. It had all started ever since dad left us. Whenever mum said such to me,  I would go to my room and hide myself under my blanket, wallowing in my shell of depression, no one to talk to. I would bury myself in pains, thinking and thinking until I would finally fall asleep. One day, I decided to do something risky.

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I gasped in fright and more shock as the figures gently came close to the bed where I lay, I’d never seen them before, yet their faces looked familiar. They both looked alike, and worse still, the clothes they were putting on, made it hard for me to know their gender: they where covered from head to toe in the white clothes. I Jumped out of my bed and drifted backwards, brushing my back against the wall; my heartbeat rising, my eyelids widening in fear; as they moved closer, still.

For a moment I peered closer into their faces,and I noticed something peculiar about them; they were having my facial features, they resembled me. I knew the way I looked, Back then, I was always looking at my sad self in the mirror every day, so I’d already mastered my facial features. 

“Please who are you and What is happening!” I screamed in fear, amidst the silence which seemed to be contributing to such an unimaginable and horrifying scene. They wore no definite expression on their face. They weren’t smiling, neither did they seem angry. Anyways I knew that they were up to no good. 

That was when I saw what they both held in their hands. A dagger.

“Mum!!” I screamed, but there was no reply; not like I was expecting her to intervene. She wasn’t ever bothered about me.

Anyways, I couldn’t stand and watch these people take my life just like that; I made for the window; It had no iron protector so I was damn lucky. My room was the only one in the house with no iron protector. I Jumped out of the room, shattering the plane of glass which served as the only protection to the window.

I didn’t know what time it was, but I could see the rays of the sun pushing it’s way through the clouds; the sun was rising. I didn’t know where I was going to, all I knew was that, I was running away from two evil people who were after my life. 

I was running from two people who had my exact facial features, and looked just like me. Even as I tried telling myself that this wasn’t happening, I found it hard to believe that it wasn’t. As I turned to know whether they were still chasing after me, I crashed into a huge object which stood tall and strong before me. My toes and forehead were seriously battered;

I felt blood dripping down my face; I shouted in pains.

“She’s over there!” One of them said, pointing my direction. I watched as they hastened their footsteps and made their way towards me. I stood up and kept running; I had to save my life amidst the pain and discomfort. I was yet to understand what was happening, neither had I figured out where I was heading to. Soon, I found myself inside a bush close by.

As I ran, balls of tears rolled down my cheeks; I was sullen, worried and confused. Where was I? 

My feet hurt so badly; blood gushed out from my toes. I was feeling hungry and tired all at the same time. I didn’t want to give up; I knew that sitting at a place to rest for some minutes would cost me my life. 

Suddenly, a hand touched me from behind; I froze. I felt like fainting. I thought the killers had finally caught up with me

“Hilda are you okay?” The voice asked.

I turned to know who it was. The moment I looked at the face of the person, I vomited. 

My stomach rumbled in disgust. Before me, stood an old woman with sores all over her face. She had a lot of acnes too, coupled with the sores; such a mixture was disgusting. I threw up again. I ignored her and continued running.

I’d been running for about 30 minutes, and was almost staggering. The next step I took, saw me landing on the floor. My eyes had become heavy. I was in a helpless situation. With my eyes half closed, I looked to see if the two people in white were still coming after me.

Hell yes! They were. However, this time they seemed not to be running any longer. They were walking towards me; their daggers still in their hands. 

“Some body help me!” I shouted in agony, but there wasn’t any response. 

I stood up with more pains this time around, and moved myself away to safety. 

Soon I found myself standing before a big river. With no other way of escape, I stood, looking at it mindlessly, thinking on what next to do, while I said my last prayers. I turned to see if my killers where behind me; yes they were. They must have known that I would never escape  them. I watched as they walked towards me in the same calm manner.

It was going to be now or never. I looked at the River before me; I wondered why it looked so dirty. It had this yellowish color and I wasn’t even ready to throw up again for the third time in a row. Well, what choice had I?

“Madam please can you calm down?” One of them said to me.  They had stopped walking and stood some feet away from where I srood. The voice sounded like a male voice. Yes it was a male voice. Then gently came closer and closer. 

“Stay away from me!” I shouted, and Jumped into the river; my eyes tightly closed.

The pain was a sharp one; my bones creaked, my hands ached; I felt like I’d dislocated a joint around my shoulders and then I screamed. The river wasn’t a deep one. Its appearance and color must have deceived me. It barely even reached my calf.  

One of them walked to the spot where I lay groaning, and then gripped me firmly with his left hand. I knew he was going to run his knife through me; I kicked him in his groins. He fell to the floor shouting.

“Argh!!” He Yelled.

Before I could stand up, the other person in white quickly rushed me and pinned me down. He raised his dagger slightly in a bid to sink it through my body. I managed to hit him hard on his belly and I made off, In the direction which we had all come from.

I looked at my hands; they were so dirty. The dirty river must have stained my clothes too. I checked to see if they had stained my clothes, only to discover that I wasn’t putting on any. I had jumped out of my room wearing only my underwears.  

While I was still in thoughts, someone pushed me down from behind. I slowly turned to see who it was. Before I could do anything, my hands and legs were tightly gripped and then I watched in terror and shock as he sank his dagger inside me. I blacked out; They had finally succeeded in ending my life.

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When I opened my eyes, I saw my mum beside me; she was sobbing. 

I looked at her with pain and scorn; I just didn’t want to see her. She never believed I had a good side. She was one who always brought out negativity in me. She gave me depression.

“Hilda dear, I’m so sorry” she said, moving her hands to touch mine. I quickly removed my hands; I just wanted to be on my own.

I felt a sharp pain on my forehead; I sighed in discomfort. 

“Where am I?” I asked her.

“In the hospital dear” she said and tried smiling, to lighten the tensed atmosphere.

“Please don’t try this again” she said.

“Try what?” I asked her looking confused. I tried to recall what had just happened but I found it hard to. Instead I only felt pains on my feet; toes especially.

“Don’t take those hard drugs again please”

I kept a straight face wondering how she found out that I was using Cocaine to cure my depression; well I cared less.

“You were so high this morning that you almost killed the medical personnels who came to take you the hospital” mum said.

I looked at her in surprise, still trying to understand if I was able to do such. All I could remember after taking the last wrap of the Cocaine was that I lay on my bed and became high.

“You jumped into a puddle, thinking it was a river?” One of the doctors said to me and laughed softly. 

“Did I?” I asked, trying not to believe that I could do such.

“Yes Hilda, and Mrs Sophia said she saw you running into her farm and stopped you to ask what the problem was, but you ignored her and ran deeper into her farm, you destroyed some of her crops too” 

“Did I?” I asked again; I really felt like none of these where true.

“How did I get here?” I asked, still confused. 

“They managed to walk quietly behind you and then pushed you to the floor, then they injected an anesthetic drug into your body.

 Mum said, and knelt down by my side weeping. 

“You could have harmed yourself with that drug Hilda” she said softly.

“I prefer to die than watch you abuse me” 

She was quiet for some minutes, then she finally spoke.

“Forgive me Hilda, I promise to act better” she said and kissed me lightly on my forehead. 

I looked at her with a straight face for some minutes; it was a genuine apology, she looked so sober and had never been this scared in her life. But it wouldn’t move me, or that I didn’t let it to.

“The doctor said you almost ran mad; I would have lost you forever” she said to me, breaking down in more tears. 

I lay still, watching her. So mum could be this caring to me. I didn’t want to cry. I wasn’t feeling bad for her either; I was feeling bad for myself. I should have taken my life a long time ago; seeing her was an eyesore.

“Please can you excuse me, I want to stay on my own” I said to her.

Her words still echoed in my mind…”you’re a useless child! I regret giving birth to you! You don’t deserve to live!”

She stood up and made for the door.

“And Please don’t come back” I added.